Exploratorium

Bagong Taon

2005-01-04T13:48:00.000+08:00

2005 Na

Grabe. Ang bilis talaga lumipas ng oras. Sino ba kasing umimbento ng oras na yan? Sana nung ginagawa niya medyo pinabagal lang niya kahit konti. Kahit slight lang. Ano sa tingin mo? Ang hirap kasi sabayan eh. Di ko carry ang pace. Haaaaaaay.

Bagong taon na. Hopefully, bagong buhay na rin ako. Yep, you got that right. "Starting Over" ang drama ng 2005 ko ngayon.

Tulungan niyo ako ha. Oo, ikaw. Gusto kong tulungan mo ako sa buhay ko. Oo, ang kulit mo talaga. Sinabi na ngang ikaw eh. Ikaw. Ikaw. Ikaw.

At kasama ng pagbabagong-buhay ko ngayon ay ang pag-uupdate ng blog. Tulungan niyo rin ako dun ha.

Basta peeps, tulungan na lang tayo ngayong 2005. Yun lang ang gusto ko... magtulungan tayong lahat. Tayo. Lahat. Magtulungan.

great expectations

2004-11-14T15:16:00.000+08:00

Great Expectations

I officially became an irregular student last semester. My academic blunder got my studies delayed for a year. And I'm here to tell you... it was the most humbling experience of my entire life. Yes, falling like that was hard. And cliche tells us that getting back up is even harder...

So I've been exerting quite an effort on my studies ever since the semester started. I've been working extra-hard for the past five months to get great grades. I've been expecting a lot from this semester and I thought that it would be a good one. At the very least, I expected that it would be a good one.

And right now, the sem is already over. Tell me I'm quite delusional... but with a GWA of 1.80, I still am very much disappointed. Very... very... disappointed.

For starters, let me give you a rundown of my subjects and grades... NatSci 2 - 1.50; STS - 1.50; Econ 11 - 1.50; SocSci 2 - 1.75; Math 101 - 2.75.

Yep. You saw that right. Math 101 - 2.75. The very subject I was sure I would do a great job at (coz I love Math and I'm Good at it)... became the subject that would spare me the only glimmer of academic bliss I could have possibly achieved amidst my down-trodden and pain-stricken year.

Call me a bitch. Call me grade-conscious. Call me a grade-conscious bitch. Damn you, but I won't complain one freakin' bit. Hey, let me remind you... this God-damn grade-conscious biyotch didn't get what he deserve. And frankly... I deserve quite a lot.

Let me paint you a little picture of how I fared in this subject of contention. There are only a total of 5 exams during the entire semester for both the lecture and laboratory portions which make-up half-and-half of the total grade. Believe it or not, I got the highest grade in at least 2 of these exams... 97% for the 1st lab exam and 94% for the 3rd lecture exam. I said "at least 2" because we were not able to see the results of our 2nd lab exam - which I assure you, without even batting an eyelash... was infinitely easy. An ultimate no-brainer.

So what in the world did I do to get this grade?! Did the cosmos conspire to make me feel miserable even more?! How thicker could Professor Magboo (the culprit whose signature appears on the card) still be?! Hmmmmm... so many questions... so few answers. But don't worry... I do not intend to answer all of my life's queries in this article. I guess this is just a necessary outburst... my personal form of therapy... in retaliation with that one wee piece of paper that has the number 2.75 encircled in it. Up to now, I still cannot believe it. I really cannot imagine that this could happen... right at this unstable and uneasy point in my life. It's chilling. It's anxiety at its very best. At the back of my mind, I've known that it could happen, that it could come... but at the same time, I was still oblivious to the fact that I never saw it hitting the always-apathetic me. They're damned... and so am I.

Tell me, am I behaving rationally? Coz if you think I am not, the tagboard is just a click away. But still, it won't matter to me that much. Because although the sheer irritation that this has caused me isn't exactly unbearable... anyone would hate to have something like this shoved up his ass anyway. Honestly, I was kinda hoping... praying... that after I am through with making this blog entry, I would at least feel a little pacified. That I would feel some sort of closure or comfort in any level. But still... that elusive feeling of contentment seems so far away.

Let's deconstruct things a bit. I am not a grade-conscious person. Yes, I could be a bitch. And on the other end, Professor Magboo has had this knack of giving unfair grades to students his entire life. It's a "track record" he supposedly keeps untarnished. Other students have, in fact, fallen into the same trap. So, who the hell am I to complain and begin to assume that he could have changed? I'm just another student to his slanted eyes. Unfair don't you think? Well... life always is.

Back to the question... I still think that my behavior was rational. Yet, it was quite uncalled for. I guess I was under the immense and unnecessary pressure to prove to myself and to everyone else that I could still be a star-baller right after I fucked up big time at school. And somehow, I was under the impression that becoming a College Scholar (the equivalent of a Dean's Lister) again is a way of going through that dilemma that I myself created.

Ouch. That was me falling hard on my face once more. It dawned on me. I was nowhere near fixing my problem than I was trying to evade it! Certainly, I just need to pick up the shattered pieces of my life and then keep it together. But try as I might, even the "picking up" phase is already very taxing and almost impossible to accomplish. But on the other hand, I still believe that I'll make it thru, I just don't know exactly when. No MRR for me hopefully.

And I must get a grip on myself and shake me back into the realization that getting high grades is something of an excuse that I had in order to make myself believe that I am getting better at "it" again. Messed up life? Check. Messed up solutions? Check. More excuses? Check. Wow... what an idiot. (Check.)

The fact is: the grades can come later. And they will surely come, if and only if, I get everything behind it in order. But how will I?

Tsk. Hard problem. And an even harder solution. Right now, I am enjoying myself trying to look for that silver lining which supposedly exists in every raincloud. But where the hell is it? Does it still exist? Or has it finally retreated to the forsaken shadows of fixated story-tellers whence it came? Come on, it has to be there somewhere. I mean, the world became a better place because of it so I'm sure it's lurking behind a gazillion nimbus clouds hovering above me right now, threatening to drown me in all their rain-fury should I put one more toe over the line.

20/20 vision? Check. Still, can't see nothing from where I'm standing.

Well then, maybe... just maybe, I am not supposed to see a silver lining at all! I know it's sad, but it is a possibility. It could be the universe's way of telling me for the nth time that it had been spiralling into a state of total chaos for the past 18 years or so of his life. And everyone simply has to come along for the ride.

And that includes me. So no matter how bad I feel with the life I live, I know that someone is having an even harder time. It's life's way of relaying to us a fundamental law of survival: we should iron out our own mess first; before we go out and try to make the world around us a better place to live in. In that way, we all can help in trying to arrest the universe's constant descent to Satan-dom. That, I can do.

Otherwise, let's all just get out there and commit even bigger triumphs and mistakes. And yet have no cap to put our feathers on.

Ang Asong Nagfi-feeling Na Harry?

2004-10-20T13:18:00.000+08:00

Ang Asong Mana Kay Harry

It's not always in my intention to make my entries sound funny and satirical. I don't know, but they almost always seem to end up that way. But this time, my next story is something not exactly funny. It can be spooky, but still... it is quite amusing. Read on.

Our household help has been sick since Friday. And sick people need rest and relaxation. So, she hasn't been doing her chores at home lately. And one of her chores include feeding the dogs at night after the entire family has had dinner.

Being the youngest person in the house, many of her tasks have been assigned to me - including the one which I mentioned above. Nakakainis talaga maging bunso sa bahay no?

We have two dogs at home. One lives near the front door and another one for the back door. I have no problems feeding Tootsie, the one near the front gate. But MJ, the dog backdoor... well, feeding him isn't always a great experience. First, he's very rowdy and noisy especially when someone with food is around. And second (the one with the spook factor), he always manages to escape his cage even after I've locked it shut.

This had been happening since Friday and went on for three straight nights.

We checked his all-metal cage a number of times already. Nothing's wrong with it. The same goes with the lock in his door. And even scarier is the fact that when we check his cage right after we discover that he escaped yet again, all the locks in the cage door are still in place. It seems as if he simply teleported right out of his cage coz there's no evidence at all that he squeezed his way thru its door or bars.

Tsk tsk tsk. Our place isn't exactly ghost-infested. But it ain't really ghost-free either. One of my grandmothers, who has a knack for waking up and going to church very early in the morning, has indeed told us that she has seen a few "weird beings" in the past at that same place.

And someone even told our maid that her sickness actually occurred because "may nagambala" sha sometime when she was feeding the dogs herself. The doctor, on the other hand, told her that she has UTI and prescribed her a few things. What's funny is that she seems unresponsive to her medications. Three days of treatment and still very little improvement.

Oh well. That's my little anecdote for today. Wait lang, may lesson ka bang natutunan? Ako parang wala eh. Hehehe.

The end.

PS: The title alludes to Harry Houdini. Not Harry Potter.

Beerhouse

2004-10-20T13:16:00.000+08:00

Beerhouse

Let's start with a sidebar story. It happened last Thursday.

Yesterday, while I was on my way home... I was walking somewhere in Guadalupe in front of a strip of clubs and beerhouses. No, you assuming perv. I didn't pass by that place because those establishments are located there. In the first place, that's really where I should be heading coz the jeepneys I'm supposed to get on actually park themselves along the same street.

Twas close to 10PM already. And from what I can see, the local sex alley is buzzing with a looot of activity that early in the evening. Almost-drunk good-for-nothing losers slaving their precious lives away in front of the videoke machine. A group of people with large boobies wearing miniskirts huddled together in front of one of the dimly-lit entrances. Come on, you know how a place like that must look like. Like a not-so-wholesome mardi gras.

I was walking alone... minding my own business. When suddenly, this incredibly ugly guy walks up to me and asks me, "Pogi, gusto mong uminom? Dito ka na lang samin ha." He asked me several times. And then, unexpectedly and unnecessarily, he put his arms around me as if we've friends since time immemorial.

The bottomline is... hindi kami close.

Tell me. Do I look like a drunkard? Do I look like someone who parks himself in beerhouses? And more importantly, pogi ba ko?! Napaka-assuming talaga ng mamang pangit. Hehehe.

End of story.

Gusto Kong Maging Comedian

2004-10-07T13:07:00.000+08:00

Gusto Kong Maging Comedian!

Feeling ko nakakatuwa akong tao. Feeling ko masayahin akong tao. Feeling ko masaya ang lahat kapag kasama nila ako. Feeling ko may kulang sa party kapag wala ako...

Feel niyo rin ba ako? O talagang nagfifeeling lang din ako?

Sa aking pakiwari, high school ako nung una kong napansin tong mahiwagang talento ko. Wala lang, feeling ko super sociable kong tao. It started with that; na sadyang marami akong friendly-friendships. Of course, someone simply cannot have too many friends diba? Yun ang talagang nasa isip ko.

Akala ko lang naman kasi nung una, nahuhumaling lang talaga lahat ng tao sakin. Oh well, alam niyo naman kasi ang mga species namin at ang iba ko pang mga ka-uri - sadyang nakakatuwa at nakakahalina! To a major extent, inborn na rin naman kasi sa lahat ng mga taong may hibla ng kashoklaan sa kanilang katawan ang maging malandi - and I'm not just talking of gay men! (wholesome to ha...) Go figure.

Pero ngayong kolehiyo, napagisip-isip ko. That I could do soooo much more than make people happy. The fact is, that I could actually make people laugh. And believe me, I'm not just talking of Dolphy-esque slapstick on my part. Ang sarap kasi isipin na tunay namang maraming natutuwa sa intergalactic form ng humor ko (without having to make myself look dumb) at pati mga aliens at mga lamang-lupa ay nagagalak! Taray no?

I never really thought about doing this as a profession really seriously. Pero if you've been following the goings-on in my blog for at least a few days now *look at the previous entry*, dapat alam mo na medyo naloka ako sa isang tunay namang nakaka-derail ng pagiisip na sing-along master sa isang place na kinainan namin 2 weeks ago. He (or was that a she?) was babbling all night long. For the most part, he was talking non-stop gibberish interspersed with a few witty comments on the side.

Example? Leanne (that's his name) asked me and my friends where we were from. So I said that we just came from school, "UP." He then asked us our course, so we replied, "Nursing." Twas nothing but small talk, and we conversed in simple English. Next thing we knew, whenever he had to talk to our group, he was always referring to us as "ang mga sosyal." And we were like, "what the fuck was that all about?!" Perplexing huh? A freak and totally unnecessary case of a hasty generalization. Wish ko lang mag-Philo 1 din sha.

So the fact that our bunch were health science majors was already out. Then came his next joke... he asked someone, who was obviously not studying anymore, what his course was back in college. Naturally, I did not pay attention to what the guy's reply was. But then came his horrendous follow-up comment. "Alam mo ba course ko nun? Kwashiorkors."

What came next was a deafening and uneasy state of non-applause and non-comprehension of what the "joke" meant. For all you out there who's equally clueless on what Kwashiorkor is, it's a severe form of malnutrition possibly coupled with protein deficiency. I know this because I'm a health major. For everyone else who was unfortunate enough to be inside Iris Place at that exact moment, I don't even expect them to have any idea on how the word was spelled or what it remotely meant.

Oh well, I honestly appreciate the effort to reach out to the "healthy crowd" that night (or morning, I wasn't really sure). But my golly, the outcomes of his spiels were just unforgivable. Pasalamat sila na libre ang pagkanta sa kanila kundi may-I-get-out na agad ang role namin dun! Hehehe.

((Pero wait lang! I thought this entry is about me wanting to become a comedian... lumalayo na tayo sa ating napakarelevant na discussion eh. Hehehe.))

And one other thing that's always included in the Showbiz Superstar Formula is that you must have a "sob story" to go with your career. Let's take Sarah Geronimo for example, we all know her "Wala na kaming ipambabayad sa renta ng bahay" comments when she was still starting. Or Hero Angeles and his champorado-for-Noche-Buena story. Or the budding comedian Pokwang, who I recently discovered had to go work in Japan just to make ends meet, getting pregnant twice with different fathers, and one of her sons dying due to a brain tumor. Now THAT'S a real sob story.

Pero ako? Meron ba ko nun? Haaaaay... let's see. We've had great Noche Buenas my entire life. We never had to rent a house and not be able to pay for it. And I've never experienced any death in my immediate family ever. Okey, so does that mean I have no sob story to tell when I hit it big hopefully in the near future?

Hindi naman siguro. I have my own stories to share, too. And believe me, they are just as heart-warming and "bawl-provoking." Baka nga "pang-Magpakailanman" pa ang dating nung iba eh! Hahaha! But seriously, may tearjerker man akong kuwento o wala, diba what's important naman is that you have the talent to make you shine?

That's exactly it - talent. In a world dominated by fags and the brand of humor that requires you to viciously and sometimes personally insult anyone who gets into your field of vision, it's just disheartening to see that Pinoy-style comedy is actually "evolving backwards," which is contrary to what the real Theory of Evolution proposes. Comedy as we know it here in the Philippines is going downhill. And in a very steep and dangerous hill at that.

Mapipigilan pa kaya natin to? I believe the answer is a resounding YES. And I am not about to tell you that the only way forward is through me coz that would be pure hypocrisy. What I am trying to say is that, kahit nasaang profession ka pa man, we should all strive to be better in what we do. But if you honestly think that "better" means showing everyone how dumb you are or by making it sure that the person who gets onstage becomes embarassed personally and unnecessarily, then there is where the problem lies.

Should anyone, with the betterment of his work in mind, even begin to think that way? I think not. And hopefully, everyone would also try to think that way. We should always be open-minded and insightful in everything we do. After all, there are always two sides to a story like this. And even our own brains have two sides in it.

Magister Mundi sum!

2004-10-04T17:39:00.002+08:00

Magister Mundi sum! I am the Master of the Universe! You are full of yourself, but you're so cool you probably deserve to be. Rock on.

Which Weird Latin Phrase Are You?
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That So-So Weekend

2004-09-27T15:57:00.000+08:00

That So-So Weekend

It's been a while since I last went here. Well, anyway, what's important is that I'm already back! Let the fun begin!

Friday. Hmmm... reminisce... reminisce... I had an exam Friday afternoon - SocSci2. It was quite hard (*giggles*) kasi puro sha essay questions eh. But still, the fabulous writer in me pushed thru and made me finish the exam quite on time. Damn, I wish I also read about Karl Marx. One, our equally fabulous professor told us he's really gay and two, he appeared in the only bonus question on the exam. Sayang!

I attended the Nursecissism program that same night in my college. For all you non-UPCN peeps, ang Nursecissism ay isang annual talent show ng buong UPCN family. From the faculty, to the admin, to the students - lahat nagiging pasaway sa gabing ito. It's a chance where everyone gets a chance to let his/her hair down - literally and figuratively. Mga tol, though hindi naman sobrang laking production ito ng UP - this program still has sentimental value for me. *Music please* Why ba kanyo? Kasi just a year ago ay... ay... ay... nanalo ang beauty ko ng isang Best Male Performer Award sa skit ng batch namin! Buwahahaha!

At alam niyo ba ang role ko!? Itong role kong ito kahit sila Meryll Streep or sila Nora Aunor pa yata ang gumanap eh hinding-hindi nila make-carry... I was the Queen Evil Witch in our own parody of The Wizard Of Oz! Ahihihihi! Antaray no?!

At may isa pa kong highlight ng gabing nagdaan. Ang mga nagsiladlad naming faculty eh nagimpersonate ng mga divas of our time. Nag-ala-Night of the Champions with matching Gloria Estefan at Beyonce Knowles sa stage ng auditorium ang mga taong siya ring nagtuturo sa amin ng Anatomy, Pathophysiology, Psychology, Maternal Health Nursing at kung anu-ano pa. Mga pasaway talaga ang mga lokaaah.

Now, take a look at the right sidebar of my blog. Ayan, pansinin mo ang listahan ng mga links jan. May isang diva rin jan eh. Spotted it already? Nope? Sige hanap pa...

Ayun! Kita mo na?! Si Mariah nanjan diba? Ayun ay dahil isa akong masugid na Mariah Carey fan. Kaya nagfifeeling akong isang affiliate ng site niya. Hehehe. At alam mo ba kung sino ang nagimpersonate sa idol kong si Mariah?!

Alam mo ba?! So Professor Villarta! Si Prof. Bethel Buena Villarta! FYI, siya ang dahilan kung bakit bum ako ngayon. Now go figure. Basta, para sakin - yun ang highlight ng buong gabi ko. As in. Panalo to the nth level.

So back from the future. After all the hysteria, the seniors ended up on top. The juniors, Batch 2006, landed on 2nd place. Hindi inexpect ng batch ang second best finish na yun. Swear! Kasi naman no, mga tunay na pasaway ang ibang mga taong nageepal sa paggawa ng productions dun! Eh mga... ay nako po... nagkakasala lang ako sa ginagawa ko eh. Basta, yun na yun! Ang masasabi ko lang is that - ehem - the production would be better off without some of them and their abysmal ideas. Period. Wa erase! Buwahahaha!

At shempre, nang matapos ang gabi, halos namamatay na kaming lahat sa gutom. So we had to go somewhere and eat. The problem? I had no money left. Then, it was Chenee to the rescue! Wheeeeee! We went to a bar-resto-sing-along joint near the school - Iris Place. The place was great, though it was quite small. The food was okay, though it had very small servings. The ambience was excellent, but the sing-along master was... at best, amusing. Just that. He wasn't funny, witty, or original at all. Neither was he good at singing. The nerve!

Honestly, I thought I would have done a better job than that fag (*sorry, but that's how he seemed to me*) in dealing with that crowd. That night, his audience was incredibly varied. UP students, UP alumni, families, drinking buddies, whole barkadas. His joke-repertoire could have been easily packed. But no, he was dumb enough not to capitalize on that. He's a disgrace to our kind! Hahaha! (*More to come on that not-so-fabulous sing-along master*)

Time went by quite fast. Maya-maya ay bigla kong naramdaman ang urge na magtext kay Inay upang magpaalam na gagabihin ako though technically ay gabi na. Eh batt-empty na ko nun so nakitext ako kay Eric. Maya-maya lang ulit ay nagreply si Inay sa phone ni Eric.

Galit na sha at pinapauwi na ako! Malufet!

Still, the bitch in me prevailed and chose to stay on with my barkada. Medyo ngarag na rin ako nun at gusto pang-magpakawarat. Pero nung nakauwi naman ako, walanghiya - tulog na si Inay, si Itay ay tulog na rin sa harap ng TV sa sala kakahintay sakin.

But the best and the most bizarre is yet to come. The following morning - hindi ako pinagalitan ni Inay! (*gasp*) Tan-tan-tan-taaaaaaaaaan!

Ngunit bakit? Hay nako. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit hindi sha naguramentado sa alas-3 kong uwi. Hehehe.

Sige, pag-iisipan ko muna kung bakit. (*More to come on that bizarre incident*)

hayhay

2004-09-20T13:32:00.000+08:00

(Hayhay, ito na ang entry ko na dedicated lamang para sa iyo.)

Muli, maraming maraming salamat sa lahat ng tulong na iyong ibinigay para lamang maisakatuparan ko ang aking kagustuhang magkaroon ng isang natatanging blog. Iha, huwag kang maging conceited. May iba pang tumulong sakin upang maging ganito ang aking blog - ilan na sa kanila ay sina Han at Thea. Si Ivy na rin pala. Oh ayan ha. Pinasalamatan na kita, my one and only Fairy Blog Mother (ambading!). Wahehehe. May text nga pala ako sayo. (As usual, may kinalaman na naman dito.)

Salamat! Mmmmmmmmmmuah! Sana ay walang hangganan ang suportang ibibigay mo sa akin para dito.

Nagmamahal,

Ang nagiisang nilalang na mas maganda pa sayo

PS: Ambilis mo talaga magreply! May text ako ulit sayo - follow up question.

PS2: May reply na agad! Hahahaha! Ah Labyu Hayhay!

2004-09-20T13:27:00.000+08:00

Kung sakaling ako ang speaker...

Ngayong araw na ito, sa ating pagtatapos, mayroon akong dalang Transcript of Record. Ang estudyanteng may-ari ng transcript na ito ay nag-aral sa De La Salle University. Sa unibersidad na ito, kapag ikaw ay isang undergraduate, may ID number na nagsisimula sa “94” at pataas, kung lumipas ang isang buong schoolyear at umabot ka sa 15 units na bagsak, masisipa ka sa paaralan.

Ang transcript na hawak ko ay mayroong 27 units ng bagsak. 12 sa mga ito ay tinamo ng studyante sa iisang schoolyear lang. Ang isang subject ay kadalasang may bigat na 3 units. Kung iisiping mabuti, isang subject na bagsak na lang ay pwede na masipa ang estudyanteng may-ari ng transcript na ito.

Ang speech na ito ay hindi ko ginawa para i-acknowledge ang paghihirap n gating magulang sa
pagpapaaral natin. Hindi ko din ito ginawa para maghayag ng political statement, o kumbinsihin kayo na huwag umalis sa bansa at tulungan itong maka-ahon. Ang speech na ito ay para sa mga normal na estudyante na kagaya ng may may-ari ng transcript na hawak ko, dahil madalas, wala talagang paki-alam ang unibersidad sa mga achievements nila. May mga awards na gaya ng “Summa Cum Laude”, “Best Thesis Award” at “Leadership Award.” Pero ni minsan, hindi pa ako nakakakita ng unibersidad na nagbigay ng “Hung on and managed to graduate despite nearly getting kicked-out during his academic stay” award.

Maaaring isang malaking kagaguhan ang konseptong ito para sa karamihan. Bakit mo pararangalan ang isang estudyanteng bulakbol, bobo, tamad o iresponsable? Hindi ba dapat isuka ito ng unibersidad? Ito yung mga tipo ng estudyanteng walang ia-asenso sa buhay, hindi
ba?

Ayun. Natumbok niyo.Iyun na nga ang dahilan.

Madalas, pag ang isang estudyante ay may pangit na marka sa paaralan, lalong-lalo na sa kolehiyo, nakakapanghina ito ng loob. Nandiyan yung tatamarin ka mag-aral, nandyan yung iisipin mo “Ano pa kayang trabaho ang makukuha ko? Call center na naman o clerical? Ba’t kasi ang bobo ko. Kung matalino lang ako, sana, sa Proctor and Gamble ako, o kung saang sikat na kumpanya.”

Mas mahirap ang dinadaanan ng mga estudyanteng bumabagsak. Kahit na sabihin mong asalanan nilang bumabagsak sila, hindi ninyo alam kung ano ang pakiramdam ng ganun. Madaling sabihin na “Kaya mo yan, mag-aral ka lang…” pero alam ba natin talaga ang
sinasabi natin?

Kapag ang isang estudyante ay bumabagsak sa unibersidad, nandiyan yung tatawanan niya lang yan. O di kaya naman, ipagmamalaki niya pang “TAKE 5 NA KO!!!” o “Pare, magpi-PhD na ako sa Anmath3/Calculus/etc.” Pero hindi alam ng mga isang Summa Cum Laude kung ano ang nasa isip ng isang normal na estudyante sa tuwing matutulog ito at alam niyang pag-gising niya, kailangan niya na naming ulitin ang isang subject na nakuha niya na sa susunod na term. Kahit kalian, hindi naging problema sa “Star Student” na sabihing “Nay, bagsak ako.” at hindi kailanman sumagi sa isip nila na “Paano kaya kung sa walang-pangalang kumpanya lang ako makapagtrabaho?” Dahil sigurado sila sa kinabukasan nila.

Huwag na tayong maglokohan. Grades are everything. Kahit bali-baligtarin mo iyan, hindi magiging patas ang mga kumpanyang kumukuha ng fresh graduates para magtrabaho sa kanila. Minsan din naman, nadadaan sa palakasan, pero ganun pa din. Kung hindi ka academically good, wala kang patutunguhan. Kung hindi man yun, mas mahirap yung dadaanan mo para lang
makaa-abot sa prestihiyosong posisyon.

Kaya ngayong graduation, ang speech na ito ay inaaalay ko para sa mga estudyanteng lumpagpak, muntik-muntikanan nang masipa o yung lahat ng paraang pwede, ginawa na para lang makatapos. Gagawin kong patas ang mundo para sa inyo kahit isang araw lang. Kahit ano pa ang sabihin ng ibang tao, kesyo kasalanan mo man na pangit ang marka mo o muntik ka nang
makick-out, saludo ako sa hindi mo pagtigil sa pag-aaral. Saludo ako na may lakas ka ng loob na
harapin pa rin ang mundo kahit alam mong hindi ito magiging patas sa iyo. Saludo ako na kahit pangit ang transcript mo, taas-noo ka pa rin ngayong graduation at proud na proud sa sarili mo.

Ano ngayon ang mangyayari sa mga graduates pagkatapos nitong graduation? Ayoko nang puntahan yung pwedeng mangyayari sa mga Cum Laude. Baduy. Alam mo naming me
patutunguhan ang buhay nila e. Pero dun sa mga lumagpak, ano ang meron?

Maaring makakuha kayo ng mediocre na trabaho lang. Pwede ka rin swertehin, baka makapagtrabaho ka sa magandang kumpanya. Madami pang pwedeng mangyari. Huwag kayong mawalan ng pag-asa. Kung nung college, nagtiyaga kayo e…ba’t titigilan niyo yung pagti-tiyaga
ngayon?

Pwede ring ganito: Mag-aral ka ulit. Ipakita mo sa kanila na kung sipagin ka lang, malayo ang mararating mo. Subukan mong patunayan sa kanila na kapag pinilit mo, kaya mo ring abutin yung naabot nila. Na hindi ka bobo, kundi tinamad ka lang.

Baka sabihin ninyo, drowing lang ako.

I’ve been on both sides. Naranasan ko na ring lumagpak, at muntikan na din akong masipa. Naranasan ko na na umulit ng 4 na beses sa iisang subject. Naranasan ko na na masumbatan ng magulang, kapatid at kung sino-sino pang propesor na walang pakialam sa pakiramdam ng estuyante. Naranasan ko nang hindi makatulog ng maraming gabi sa pagiisip kung paano ko
na naman sasabihin sa magulang ko na may bagsak na naman ako. Kaya alam ko ang pakiramdam ninyo. Akin ang transcript na ito.

Pagkagraduate ko ng college, ano ang ginawa ko? Eto. Nagtrabaho muna ng konti, tapos aral ulit. Kuha ng Masteral sa kurso ko. Hindi para sa trabaho o kung ano man. Kundi para patunayan sa sarili ko na noong mga panahong bumabagsak ako, tinatamad lang ako.

This is a rebellion. I raise my middle finger to every professor, over-achiever, naysayer and detractor that told me that I can’t make it. I raise my middle finger to every valedictory or graduation speech that only gratifies the university, those who were achievers in
school or those who gratify the country when it’s supposed to be the graduate’s moment of glory. You are supposed to acknowledge EVERYONE. Even those who failed many times.

Kaya sa inyong mga graduates na medyo hindi maganda ang marka, para sa inyo ito. Kung kinaya ko ito, kaya niyo rin to. Imposibleng hindi.

Ang Kabayo at Ang Pilipino

2004-09-18T13:37:00.000+08:00

Ang Kabayo at Ang Pilipino

Nasa baywalk kami nakatambay mula Saturday night hanggang Sunday morning. Andun lang kami ng ilan sa barkada ko. Nakaupo lang. Nagkukuwentuhan. Nagdedebate paminsan-minsan. Kumakain ng halo-halo o taho. Nagchichismisan. Nagkakaroon ng isang intellectually-stimulating discussion kumbaga. (Please refer to my earlier entry for minutes of the discussion. Hehehe.)

Hindi na namin namalayan ang pag-usad ng oras. Ng mga minuto. Ng mga segundo. Nagkakainitan na nun sa usapan...

Nang bigla na lang nakita namin ang mga tao na nagtatakbuhan mula sa kanilang mga kinauupan at kinatatayuan patungo sa may sidewalk ng Roxas Boulevard! Nagulat kami at nagulantang ang aming mga isipan. Nagising muli ang aking diwa at naisip ko na baka... baka... baka nandun si... ano... si... siya na nga yata!

Baka naroon si Mystica at sadyang marami lang siyang mga fans nung panahong iyon sa baywalk! Ang laki kasi ng mini-stampede eh! Tapos mukhang mga jologs pa yung mga nagtatakbuhan... pero sabi ko sa sarili ko, malamang hindi si Mystica yun. Lahat naman kasi ng mga nagtatakbuhan eh mukhang mga good-natured na tao. Atsaka wala namang dalang itak, bolo, o kris man lang yung iba. Sayang... pero baka... baka naman...

Baka si Carlos Agassi ang nakatambay sa baywalk nun! Puwedeng puwede! Akmang-akma sa kanya ang itsura ng karamihan sa mga taong tumatakbo... maliban sa mukha silang mga jologs, marami rin sa kanila ang mukhang mga bata pa at mga trying-hard na maging yuppies... pero well, nadisappoint pa rin ako kasi wala naman silang mga dalang papel para magpa-autograph siguro. (Pwe! Nakakasuka...) Atsaka konti lang yung mga bading na kumakaripas...

Makalipas ang ilang segundo sa paghupa ng malawakang takbuhan, napansin ko na may kalesa sa lugar na pinupuntahan ng mga tao. Na-amaze ako. Bigla na lang bang naging nationalistic silang lahat kaya sila natuwa ng sobra sa kalesa? Ako nga hindi pa nakakasakay ng kalesa sa buong buhay ko eh. Tiningnan kong maigi ang kalesang nakagewang... ang kucherong ubod ng pangit... at ang... teka lang... Nasan yung kabayo?! Nasan si horsey?! Nasaan si Mola?! Hindi ko sha makita!!!

Tsk tsk tsk... napagtanto ko. Ayun naman pala ang dahilan ng komosyon sa baywalk eh. May kabayong hinimatay. Ang kawawang kabayo ay bigla na lang naubusan ng lakas sa gitna ng Roxas Boulevard at hindi na kinaya dalhin ang sarili niya. Nakaka-awa tuloy.

Habang tumatagal na nakahandusay ang kabayo napansin ko na lalong kumakapal ang mga taong nakapaligid dito. Ang unang pumasok sa isip ko... siguro hindi alam ng mga taong 'to na kapag may hinimatay, dapat bigyan siya ng ample breathing space in order to replenish the supply of oxygen to the brain. Lalo tuloy akong naawa sa kabayo. Naramdaman ko na dapat siyang bigyan ng adequate nursing care sa lalong madaling panahon. Nakakainis yung mga tao talaga... Sila kasi eh. Puro sila mga walang alam sa basic life support! Lahat sila bigla na lang nagtakbuhan papunta sa kabayo para lang makita kung anong nangyari. Wala naman silang lahat gagawin dun kundi tumingin lang! Haaaaay... ang mga Pinoy talaga. Napaka-usisero!

Na-bother talaga ako sa nakita ko. Bakit nga ba kating-kati ang mga Pilipino sa pagiging mga mausisang tao? Alam ko maganda rin naman na concerned ka diba, pero hanggang concern na lang ba dapat? Katulad ng nangyari sa kabayo, palagay ko naman maraming naawa sa kabayong yun. Pero kung hanggang awa lang naman pala ang puwede mong ibigay at ibabalandra mo lang ang sarili mo dun hanggang lalong hindi makahinga yung kabayo, eh di ano pang silbi mo?

Sa totoo lang, mas lalo pa kong nairita kasi lahat sila pagtakbo papunta sa kabayo, nagsitayuan lang silang lahat dun. Wala man lang akong nakitang tumawag sa cellphone nila para humingi ng tulong. May iba siguro na tumawag dun sa mga Baywalk Patrolmen kaya sila dumating. (Isa ako sa mga taong naghanap ng Patrolmen sa paligid.) Pero iilan lang ang nakita kong kumilos para tunay na makatulong. Nakakairita no? Usisero na nga, mga wala pang silbi. Bad trip.

Kahapon ay nanood kami ng iba kong mga kabarkada ng 13 Going On 30 sa Robinson's Ermita (By the way, sobrang ganda ng pelikula! Panoorin niyo rin!). Hindi ko pa rin makalimutan si kawawang horsey at ang kanyang fainting spell sa kalagitnaan ng Roxas. Itinanong ko tuloy sa mga kasama ko kung bakit sa palagay nila eh usisero ang mga Pinoy.

Sabi ni Tin,ang pagiging usisero daw ng mga Pinoy eh dahil sa likas nating pagiging mga sociable na tao. Aniya, gusto raw nating lagi tayong aware at in-the-know sa paligid natin. Sabi ko sa sarili ko... "One word: Chismosa." Hindi ikaw yun Tin ha. Hehehe. Tinanong ko rin ang ka-loveteam ni Tin na si Eric. Sabi naman niya, may connection daw itong trait nating ito sa Bayanihan spirit na dumadaloy sa ating mga dugo! Hmmmm... usisero... bayanihan. Usisero... Bayanihan. Sa totoo lang Eric, hindi ko gets ang konek. Isulat mo na lang sa tagboard ko ha kung gusto mo iclarify ang konseptong gusto mong ipahiwatig. Peace! At ito naman ang sabi ng henyong si V (aka Baconga), ang pagiging usisero nating mga Pilipino ay nag-ugat mula sa panahon pa ng mga Kastila. Dati raw kasi nung saklaw pa tayo ng kapangyarihan ng Espanya ay mariin nilang pinanghahawakan ang anumang uri ng komunikasyon at pagpapalaganap ng mga balita. Pinipigilan daw nila ito - at bunsod nito ay nagkaron ang mga Pilipino ng matinding uhaw para sa katotohanan sa kanilang kapaligiran.

Wow. May sense naman pala talaga eh. Para sa kanila, yun ang mga dahilan (o alibi?) kung bakit ganito tayong mga Pinoy. Pero sa palagay ko, hindi lang yun ang mga rason kung bakit likas na sa ating mga Pilipino ang maging usisero. (Ikaw na nagbabasa nito, may alam ka ba tungkol dito? Andiyan lang ang tagboard ko ha. Magmadali!)

Kung ano man ang dahilan kung bakit tila tatak-Pilipino ang ugaling ito, hindi ko pa rin sigurado. Hindi ko pa rin alam. At gustong-gusto kong malaman.

Ngunit sana lang, sa susunod na maramdaman natin ang ating pagiging mausisang mga nilalang, isipin rin natin na hindi lamang pagaalala ang dapat na maging kaakibat nito. Sana ay maramdaman din natin na hindi lamang "concern" ang kinakailangan ng isang tao (o hayop) na kausi-usisa. At kung magpapaka-walang silbi ka na rin lang pala, eh di lubos-lubosin mo na at huwag ka na lang humarang sa mga taong tunay na may malasakit at tunay na may gagawin.

Hindi magagamot ng awa ng isang milyong Pilipino ang sakit ng isang namamatay nang tao. Dinala ka na nga lang ng mga makakati mong paa papunta dun sa kalunos-lunos na kabayo, ano ba naman yung dalhin mo rin ang mga daliri mo patungo sa pinakamalapit na telepono para humingi ng tulong? Diba? Madali lang din naman gawin yun eh.

Nakakainis. Parang wala man lang nakaisip nun sa kanila noong Sabado. Nakakainis talaga. Nakakabagot. Sobrang nakakairita!

Grabe talaga mga Pilipino no? Mga usisero.

The Weekend in Retrospect

2004-09-17T05:57:00.000+08:00

The Weekend In Retrospect

Wow… in fernez may katagalan na nga since the last time I checked in here. Oh well, the fact is that I’m back again – so let’s keep the ball (*giggles*) rolling! Hmmmm… as I told you, my weekend was supposed to be a blast. And damn blast it did!!! Though I wasn’t able to come to UPLB for the drinking orgy that was supposed to occur… I still had my own dose of wholesome fun (read: wholesome!) at a handful of parties that I went to last Saturday. I woke up Saturday morning as usual (miracle? Not!) and got dressed and had my breakfast blah… blah… blah… and more blah. *Let’s just skip all these useless junk and get right to the good parts, shall we?* After I had lunch at about half past 1, I went to the mall to buy a present for a friend whose party I was going to later that day. Birthday kasi ni Jhoanne nung September 11 – kabirthday niya yung isa pang Tokyo Tokyo uberfriend ko, si Menok. Biro niyo, bumagsak ang World Trade Center Towers nung cinecelebrate nila ang mga birthdays nila?! Tsk tsk tsk… bummer. Well anyway, it was America that got fucked up that day naman eh… so who the hell cares?! (FYI, I ended up buying a maroon visor from Bench.) So being the primadonna that I am, eh di nalate ako sa meeting place namin sa Pembo. Hehehehe. Padu, Joyce and Lorence were waiting for me there. Si Jho, ang butihing celebrant, ay may sinundo pang ibang friends from other parts of the Metro. (Naks!) Eh di yun, fly na ang beauty naming lahat sa bahay nila Jho where we sang (to our heart’s content?) a few songs from their magical videoke. Tapos enter-the-dragon na rin ang kanyang mga fwends from Landscape Archi sa UP Diliman. They easily outnumbered us, the mini-batallion of 6 from Makati Science “against” the dozen from Diliman. Ayun, kanta-kanta, lamon-lamon, kanta-kanta ulit, konting lamon as usual from the side. At first, the entire group polarized into the Makati Science pole and the UP Diliman pole. But being the social eynimals that we are, and also because of the celebrant’s request, the entire group merged and played together. Believe me, ang saya. The more, the merrier talaga! Para kaming isang malaking orgy ng mga hyperactive college bitches and babes na yung iba ay naglalaro ng Pictionary, yung iba eh bumibirit at pinapunish ang mic nila Jho, yung iba nagchichikahan sa isang tabi, and yung iba naman eh naglalaro ng isang napaka-marahas na laro – 1-2-3 pass. Tsk tsk tsk… if only those playing cards could talk… I pity them. And then, suddenly, unexpectedly – Brownout! Blackout! Power shortage! Electricity disruption! Basta! Yun na yun! So tumambay kami sa labas ng bahay nila Jho. Konting kantahan and some of Jho’s friends from Diliman decided to go home na coz it’s getting quite late na daw. Biro mo naman, some of them reside in Tandang Sora pa davah?! Kaya ayun, fly na ang beauty namin paalis kila Jho. Ang natira lang dun – sila Padu, Lorence Joyce, and Leslee. And rumor has it na hindi pa sila nakuntento sa punishment na nareceive ng videoke mic on the hands of Jho’s other friends. Kaya ayun, nagpakasadista sila at nagsikantahan pa rin! Okey, so that’s one party down. One more to go. Ito naman, as usual, late na rin ako. Muntik na nga magtampo sakin ng tuluyan ang celebrant, si Chenee, coz I first told her at the last minute na hindi ako makakapunta kasi nga hindi ako makaalis dun kila Jho. Lo and behold, before the super last minute nung last minute, nakaabot pa ako sa The Pit sa Malate! Wooooohoooooo! My meal’s gone cold on me na. I was not that hungry either so I just nibbled on my food before off I trotted into the other end of the table papunta sa end nila Jenny and Raz, etc. Coz that’s where I felt most at home. Not that I’m complaining about the seating arrangement ha – mas in-tune lang ang radar ko sa mga tao on the opposite end of the spectrum. So ikaw na nagbabasa nito, wag kang mag-assume. Ayt?
And well, my night with Chenee had to end din naman. The first plan was to watch The Terminal sa Rob pero it didn’t happen kasi medyo late na yung pag-alis namin dun. So ayun, tumambay na lang kami sa Roxas Boulevard. And when I say tambay, I really mean TaMbAy. Our already-tired feet brought us by the bay at around 10:30 PM. We left the baywalk at around 6AM na. Whew! Isa sa mga pinakamalupit na usapan that I have ever participated in. Ang saya saya to the nth level! We all went to the baywalk with our tummies full, and we all left with our brains even fuller. Hehehe… ang sarap ng feeling! Topics ranged from “Bakit usisero ang mga Pinoy?” to “Bakit hindi puwede manligaw ang mga babae?” to “Did we really land on the moon?” to “Kelan tayo pupunta ng Palawan for vacation?” to “Do aliens exist?” to “What happened to Gayle’s bro?” and a whooole looot mooore… lahat na yata ng topics under the sun eh na-tackle in one way or another… But sadly, shempre, natapos din ang aming outdoor slumber party. Kinailangan rin naming umuwi sa aming mga butihing tahanan (Plastik!) at magpahinga. Wait… I must be mistaken… did I just mention “pahinga”?! Now that is a lie. I went home not to cement my butt on my bed, but to have a “retouch” on myself before I drag my booty to Araneta Coliseum that same morning. For what you ask?! The 2004 Nestle Nonstop Cheerdance Competition! Wohooo! Now that’s what you call the UP spirit! In fact, maagang-maaga pa lang eh nakapila na yung friend ko sa ticket booth eh. And oh my sh*t, the line was unexaggeratedly endless. You simply cannot see where the line ends. That’s how hot this event was. Scorching heat! In the end, the UST Salinggawi Dance Troupe ended up on top for the 3rd year in a row – their second 3-peat in UAAP cheerdancing. UP placed second and FEU was on third. It was the same top 3 results as last year’s competition actually. A big congratulations to UST, but I would have expected more originality from them. The fact that their execution was flawless, I believe, made them win the competition. Contrary to what many people believed, I never had any doubts that UP won’t be on the top 3. Our originality was there, our costumes were unique (though lackluster), and the degree of difficulty of our routine was tops among everyone else. But the execution was quite off. That has always been the UST SDT’s edge over us. They all make it look so easy. As for FEU, a clean routine, a high DoD, crowd-pleasing grooves made them win again – despite the fact that they had to reuse their costumes last year coz the ones they were supposed to use didn’t come on time. Still, being the proud isko that I am, a very big kudos to the UP Pep Squad for still being the premier pep squad that they have always been! That was the first time that I have ever seen them perform in the flesh and I feel truly blessed to have been there at their time of triumph. To the UP Pep Squad, keep it up! But anyway, here’s to another year of waiting for the 2005 cheerdance competition. We’ve got rhythm, we’ve got the beat! UP’s in the house! Hu-hah!

Matatapang, matatalino
Walang takot kahit kanino
Hinding-hindi magpapahuli
Ganyan kaming mga taga-UP!

Away

2004-09-10T08:28:00.000+08:00

Away

Your world doesnt revolve around you alone
And neither does anyone else's
Fury is something you don't want condoned
Please my life with no pretentions

For years under your steering directions
I have fallen prey to my own infinite cage
I hate you now and i want out at this moment
Just let me be, a person of age

Just one morning of fun, one night of bliss
To my life is something inimitable
A new environment, a rebirth of passion
To my senses, is nothing but pure satisfaction

Just let me go, let me be free
And in time, i will come back
But guard my cage with my soul inside
And it's over, i want my life

This message is about HATE.

2004-09-10T08:26:00.000+08:00

This message is about HATE.

Its a Thursday evening. A few minutes before it turns 10. I should be doing something right now instead of making this blog entry. Because the fact is, I have a Soc Sci 2 report and a Math 101 exam tomorrow. Let me start by telling you my plans for the weekend...

Friday night - After my surely arduous Math exam, I should be off to UP Los Banos for a house party with my high school friends. More booze, more fun. Works everytime.

Saturday afternoon - Back to Makati. And then I have to pirouette straight to a birthday party in Pembo for Jhoanne, one of my high school barkadas as well. Tsk tsk tsk… what if I don’t get to bring anything for her?!

Saturday night - Another party to crash. This time, it’s for Chenee, a Tokyo-Tokyo chum. It’s gonna be in The Pit, Malate. Wohooo! At last, a legitimate “Sabado Night.”

Sunday morning – Zzzzzz… but Araneta Center, here we come! Me and my friends both from high school and college should be trooping to Araneta Center at about 7AM or earlier just so we can get good tickets for the cheerdance competition that’s happening later that same day. Those inconsiderate ticket sellers can just shove those skyrocketing gift certificates up their asses.

Sunday afternoon – It’s the UAAP Nestle Nonstop Cheerdance Competition! Go UP Pep Squad! We know you can do it! UP Fight! Unibersidad ng Pilipinas Rocks!

So that’s pretty much it. But wait, there’s a little problem. My dismally menopausal mother won’t let me come to UPLB! Aaaaaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhhhh! I wanna hate her with all my heart and soul right now… damn! It’s just one, single, fucking night of adolescent fun and she won’t let me go. And the lamest of all reasons!?!? Because apparently, I am going out to too many parties already and she feels it might be quite dangerous for me to go somewhere that far. (Insert the proverbial ‘P.I.’ here yourself.) Grrrrrrr… thank goodness I have this keyboard for me to pounce my fingers on. Sh*t with a capital S… I hate, I hate, I hate!

What Is Your Best Sexual Skill?!

2004-09-09T11:55:00.000+08:00

Cracked Egg-Head

2004-09-09T11:43:00.000+08:00

Cracked Egghead

My hell week has just began. Not exactly at this very moment (Duuuuh... stupid!). I have three exams slated for this week. An Economics 11 yesterday, a Natural Science 2 just this morning, and tomorrow, the finale exam - Math 101. Wow, talk about crescendos.

The Econ 11 yesterday afternoon was quite easy actually. See? Not all teachers are devil-incarnates. Thank goodness Prof. Gutierrez exists. So to all you who'd be taking up Econ 11 next semester at UP Manila, i hope you get lucky with the teacher you get. Now start praying.

Just this morning, our NatSci2 was ushered in. It was quite hard... *sniggers*. Get this... 120 points in all (111 points from choice questions and 9 from essay questions). And at the same time, Prof. Sustento demanded that NO erasures must be made on your papers. Damn...

And tomorrow, the perfect ending to my almost perfect week. The second lecture exam on Math 101 *clap clap clap!* (more canned applause please...) I'm very much anxious as to how I would fare in tomorrow's Math Bloodbath. Though I must admit that I like math very much, come on, this is still an entirely different story. This ain't just x's and y's. We also have a's, b's, c's and on and on and on... hehehe. Dear me... bless yourself CJ. Try and get a grip of yourself *more sniggers* and study! As in... Now Na!

What Finding Nemo character are you?

2004-09-07T13:03:00.000+08:00

Which Finding Nemo Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I Neeeed Tickeeeeeeeeeets!!!

2004-09-07T08:45:00.000+08:00

Bad trip! As I was telling you, I badly want to watch the UAAP Cheerdance Competition this Sunday. Heaven forbid, we cannot get any good seats for the event!

We have no one to run to from UP who has the proper "connections," and my friend who happens to live near the Araneta Center went there last night and horror of all horrors, the ticket booth only had General Admission tickets available!

My goodness, this event is selling Even Better than the most delicious hotcakes in town!

So please, if you could help me in any way possible (even illegally!), please do so and give me a shout-out. Please... please... please...

The Silent Fight

2004-09-07T08:37:00.000+08:00

The Silent Fight

You’ve been dancing on the surface for quite some time
Not one noticed and neither did anyone care
You’ve been living a life away from the reality around you
A life of nightmares, unrest, discontentment, unreal

Blessed with a dream you’ve always wanted to have
A curse in your life, nothing but something from your past
Carrying your future like it was tasked from above
You can hate it that way, no slim choices ripple from afar

Battling with your soul and crumbling on the inside
You look like someone whose soul never waivered outside
A testament of temperament, you are a marvel of humanity
A link to the past, the present and inexistent future of your dream

Life, it gives us something that’s hard to swallow
An appetizer of sorts, it appetizes for all the hell to follow
Live it or leave it, don’t live life as it is, but use it well
Guard it with lies, stab sorrow on its back coz it’s real

The life that you want, the life you’re destined to live
Is the life that your lie can never give
Deal with it now, shield yourself from your king
Coz the only way forward is thru being jaded from within.

(This poem is something I wrote last night when I was feeling particularly spiteful here at home. Between 10 and 11 PM. This was actually not the original one I scribbled on the notepad, but I somehow lost the copy and couldn’t find it anywhere. So I did another one, trying to recreate the one I lost. Damn… that original sounded really great pa naman. I won’t hope you like it… but it’s easy enough to understand.)

My Name Is... What?! My Name Is... What?!

2004-09-07T08:35:00.000+08:00

My Name Is... What?! My Name Is... What?!

As I was picking out what I should wear for today from my wardrobe (Sounds big? Duuuh… it’s not.), my eyes fell upon this blue-green piece of paper stapled to its inside wall. It contained just a couple of paragraphs. A few seconds flashed by as I remembered from whom this was. It was something from Elena, one of my batchmates at school. This, I believe, was something she shared with the entire batch as a lets-get-to-know-each-other gift. Nope, not all of my batchmates received the same paper just like mine – because the paragraphs on those sheets actually say what your name supposedly means. Sort of a, Whats-In-A-Name Dictionary… and here’s what it says about me. Fyi, I have a couple of first names… so a couple of paragraphs as well…

Your name gives you a very happy-go-lucky, spontaneous nature. You see the humorous side of many situations and can laugh at yourself as well as at others. This name gives you a musical, artistic nature and you would do well in any occupation in the entertainment field. You have many friends because of your generous, happy nature, but if crossed you have a quick temper, although your annoyance does not last too long. You do enjoy an argument and will at times say things just to get others going and then you sit back and enjoy the debate. You lack system and order and find it very difficult to budget and save money. This name creates a nature that can be the life of the party, but many times you can become involved in emotional situations against your better judgment. Your compassionate nature causes you to be generous and you often give more than you can afford to. You are too fond of sugars and starches, thus you could have a weakness in your liver, kidneys, or skin, creating pimples or eczema. While this name gives you a wonderful personality, and attracts much love and friendship, it is far too emotional and scattering an influence and will not allow the material accumulation nor personal happiness you should have.

Your first name gives you a very independent nature, yet you are friendly, approachable, and generous. You can be a spontaneous, expressive, and talkative person. Generally, you are good-natured, though at times you can be rather blunt and sarcastic. This name incorporates creative, artistic, and musical abilities, and there would be an element of originality in all that you do. You like to do things in the spur of the moment without planning or prior arrangements. Your spirits are buoyed up greatly by encouragement and appreciation. There is a tendency to be scattering in your efforts and you prefer to avoid menial jobs of a routine and repetitive nature. You are inclined to pursue good times and emotional indulgences to excess. Weaknesses in health due to the influence of this name centre in the head. You could experience headaches, or difficulties with your teeth, ears, eyes or sinuses. Disorders related to the liver, which would be aggravated by rich foods, could also arise.

Does it sound very similar to you? It does, right? According to both of the passages, I am a very spontaneous, generous, creative, artistic, and musical entity. But at the same time, my endeavors in life are very much “scattered.” I can also have disorders related to the liver. Quite freaky, but what those paragraphs said are actually very real concerning my personality and me. Out of everything that was discussed about my first names, I can honestly refute only about 3 or so of its assumptions. (My name won’t allow me to have the “material accumulation” and “personal happiness” I should have?! Bless me, coz that just sucks.)

Wow. Really, WOW. Can the people behind these know-yourself-more cliches be any more presumptive?! Just kidding! Tsk tsk tsk. But come on, I guess the obvious answer is still a resounding NO.

So… what’s Your name?

To boost or not to boost?

2004-09-07T08:33:00.000+08:00

To boost or not to boost?

That is the question. It’s a very hot Monday afternoon. September 6, 2004. Only six days to go before the UAAP Cheerdance Competition at the Araneta Coliseum this Sunday.

At the helm of the cheering bloodbath, everyone is wondering what the different pep squads of the participating schools would do. Will the UST Salinggawi Dance Troupe dish out another impossibly (almost!) flawless performance? Or will the UP Pep Squad end the day with a bang with their dependable arsenal of unique and innovative routines? (Tsk tsk tsk… I hate being polite and unbiased!)

Well, no one really knows. That is, until the final results are tallied and presented to the ruddy crowd a few nerve-wracking days from now. (Honestly, I hope it’ll be UP on top.) *Okey… enough chitchat.* The point is…

Being the fierce maroon-blooded boybitch that I am, I really wanna help the Pep Squad for this year’s routine. Well, I am not one of their members (Dream on CJ)… and even more remotely would I have the right to criticize their moves should I get to see them before the competition. I am just not worthy enough. (Hail UP Pep Squad! Hail!)

So what is to do for someone like me?! Why, help pump up the crowd of supporters of course!!! Somehow, it seems the only logical thing to do for a person who is not fit enough to do those real-time slow-mo backflips and airborne splits, who is not wealthy enough to help reproduce and distribute the cheers, who is not altruistic enough to help with the costumes and props, and who is not knowledgeable enough (cheerdancing-wise) to help them improve and polish their routine. (I already told you, I simply am not worthy.) For a small man with a big voice like me, this is plain easy.

Hmmmmm… I got in touch a few days ago with the person who is organizing the volunteer booster squadron. Last year, rumor has it that UP Manila actually had its contingent of volunteer boosters. It turned out that this story was true, he told me. Conclusion? UAAP Cheerdancing is NOT Diliman-centric. But he doesn’t know yet if they’ll still be boosting for the Pep this year. Anyway, going back to the dilemma I am in right now, I am torn between boosting or not. Should I? Shouldn’t I? Honestly, I really don’t have enough reasons to choose not to do so. I mean, this is something I reeeaaaally wanna do to support the UP community, and I pretty much have all the free time in the world considering my class schedule this semester. (I only have a triplet of exams coming up from Wednesday to Friday, and that’s it. Bleh!) But right now, I have a cough – a huge impediment to the boosting industry of the country. Cough! Cough! Cough! (See?)

So guys, watchathink? To boost? Or not to boost?

Go UP Fighting Maroons!

2004-09-05T01:39:00.000+08:00

(It’s now a few minutes before midnight… but before I go to bed, here’s a little something extra for today.)

Remember that UP-DLSU game I told you earlier that I really wanted to watch? Well, I still did watch it on TV. The resurgent 6-game winning streak of the UP Fighting Maroons ended under the De La Salle Green Archers’ clutches. It was a heartbreaking 70-52 loss for the entire UP community. We were That close to cracking that elusive Final Four stint for the Seniors Men’s Basketball that has evaded the team since time immemorial. At first, I could not accept it… still…

I remember every second of that match. My brain was exploding. My heart was throbbing. My body was shaking. My soul was stirring. That is what the school spirit does to you and to every other living creature on the planet that leaves and breathes UP. A juvenile heart attack at age 18.

The Fighting Maroons fought; and my goodness, they fought well through out the entire Round 2 for this season’s basketball tipoff. At face value, this loss is severe and is very much hard to swallow. But deep inside every entity who believed what the Maroons can do, this is but a taste of better things to come for UP. We may not have the best team in the league; but we have proven to everyone, more so to ourselves, that we are a force to reckon with.

This defeat is the death of a once-fleeting dream. And at the same time, this truly is the birth of a new-found passion that has been slumbering within every student that sets foot in our unassuming Unibersidad.

To everyone who, in their own way, cheered for the team… Congratulations! We, the UP fans, Rock!

To the UP Fighting Maroons, thank you very much for a job well-done. We salute you for everything that you have shown and for living up to your team’s namesake. The Fighting Maroons.

(Oh well… it’s already half an hour past midnight. Good morning everyone!)

Go UP Fighting Maroons!

2004-09-04T13:30:00.000+08:00

Today is September 4, 2004… it’s a fine Saturday morning. I don’t have anything to do right now. So of course… another blog entry coming up…

What I’m doing: I am watching a live match between Roddick and Nadal (That’s it! Roddick just won, 6-0, 6-3, 6-4). For all you people out there who have no idea what the preceding words just meant… it was a Round 4 (I think…) match-up in the US Open 2004. The earlier game was between Serena and a Russian (I guess so…). Serena won in straight sets. Tut tut tut… since the match just ended, my mom asked me to sweep the entire house. Tsk tsk tsk…

What’s on my mind: Damn! I wasn’t able to watch Will & Grace last night! Grrrr…. Gotta catch the rerun this morning at ETC in about half an hour.

What’s on the LSS BrainBank: Run by Kitchie Nadal. Dang… this is what I get for doing a favor for my friend! A post-Dare Week LSS! Hahaha! Jenny… this one’s for you…

Run by Kitchie Nadal

[Intro:]
I lie beside a stranger and I hear blue blood running trough his vain
I really don't give a damn 'cause there is nothing in this world that can stop me now
I loved you the way I know but you fit me back right in your pleasure glove
Watch me now, don't underestimate 'cause you never ever see me run, run, run baby

[Chorus:] [2x]
Run fast if you can
I'm gonna get you anyway
There's nowhere to hide, baby
Breathe in, breathe out
It's almost over now oh, baby

Don't you recognize this hardened heart of mine waiting to be found
Lying on the ground, never will it grow till it make you stumble and fall
I loved you the way I know but you fit me back right in your pleasure glove
Watch me now, don't underestimate 'cause you never ever see me run, run, run baby

[Chorus:]
Run fast if you can
I'm gonna get you anyway
There's nowhere to hide, baby
Breathe in, breathe out
It's almost over now oh, baby

[Bridge:]
You taught me things I never dreamed to be
Now your down on your knees begging me please to spare you
How I wish I could but, darling, can't you see
It's a little bit too late...

[Chorus:]
Run fast if you can
I'm gonna get you anyway
There's nowhere to hide, baby
Breathe in, breathe out
It's almost over now oh, baby

[Chorus:]
Run fast if you can
I'm gonna get you anyway
There's nowhere to hide, baby
Breathe in, breathe out
It's almost over now oh, baby

(Yeheeeeey! I just finished sweeping the house… wow, that was quite fast!)

What I want to do: I am a UP student. And I want to feel the UP Spirit! I reeeeeeaaaaally really really wanna watch the UAAP Senior Men’s Basketball game between UP (wooooohoooooo!) and La Salle (booooooooooooo!) this afternoon… To the UP Fighting Maroons, I am praying with all my heart that you’re gonna deliver the goods this 4 PM. God must have been a UP fan all along. To the DLSU Green Archers: You’re dead meat! Go for Final Four UP!!! *chants* One Team! One Heart! UP FIGHT!

(Wheeeeeeee! It’s 11:30! It’s Will & Grace on ETC!)

Will & Grace just ended. That was quite some episode… sheeesh… I wanna have a Labrador Retriever for myself!!!

The Virginal Post: Omar and Cleo

2004-09-03T11:16:00.000+08:00

Hindi na virgin ang blog ko.For the record, I’ve always wanted to have my own weblog. But due to a number ofequally lame reasons, I have never really caught on with this freak craze. Butright at this very moment, I now have. And I absolutely have no intentions ofturning back… nor holding back.(Punyeta. Straight English yun ha. Mahirap shang gawin in fernez.)Well, sa dinami dami ng trip kong ilagay sa blog na ito, hindi ko tuloy maisipkung paano ko sisimulan. Sadyang napakarami ko yatang hinanakit sa buhay naultimong isang buong weblog na ay hindi pa rin sapat. Actually, isa yun sa mgadahilan kung bakit ngayon lang ako talaga nagka-weblog. Hindi ko alam kunganu-ano ang mga isusulat ko. Sabi sayo eh, ang lame. Ahehehehehe. Now, back tome and my life story!Hmmmmm… today is August 31, 2004. It’s a Tuesday. Pano nga ba nagsimula ang arawkong to? (Promise, may patutunguhan ang kuwentong ito – hindi lang sha ordinaryna journal entry.)*esep esep muna moih**after a few precious seconds*Nagising ako ng mga 1:30AM kasi naiihi ako. Ang dami ko kasing tubig na nainomnung dinner the night before. I drank Sambong Tea din kasi right before I wentto bed. (It’s not an aphrodisiac, you perv.) Natuwa nga ako kasi narealize ko nanakatulugan ko pala yung katext ko, si Jenny. Sorry Nyot. Tao lang po. Afterkong magreply, I went back to sleep na ulit.Tapos nagising ako bandang past 7AM. Well, nanood lang ako ng TV. I had mybreakfast that pretty much failed to do its job kasi konti lang din kinain ko.Tapos yun, tambay sa bahay. Nood ng rerun ng Will & Grace (the best sitcom inthe whole world) sa ETC and got ready for school. May class kasi ako ng 2:30PM,SocSci2. At mantakin mo nga naman ang suwerte ko, it rained cats and dogs as Iwas on my way to school! Waaaaaah! Na-wetlook tuloy ng di oras ang beauty ko.Sing in the rain tuloy ako bigla.Well, eh di natuloy na ang class ko kay Prof. Ragsag at naginternet ako afterclass for 2.5 hours. After that, I went home and TAKE NOTE: I rode a jeepneypauwi! (For all you out there who know me and my transportation rituals, thiswould come as a bit of a shock.) When I got home at around 8PM… I lounged a bitand had to eat dinner with my parents. No choice. Kailangan ko kasi talaganggawin eh. *winks* Tapos…I had an idea!!! (Actually, this is where my article should really have started.All the parts preceding this section is just plain old blah.) Since I basicallywanted everyone to know a piece of me before my blogging gets into high gear,naisip ko na magsagot ng isang mumunting slumbook. And not just any otherslumbook mah dear, I told myself that I had to find that one particular slumbookthat I had when I was in Grade 6. I said to myself:“Ceejay, ang ganda mo talaga. *Joke joke joke!* Ceejay, icompare natin ang mgasagot ko noon sa mga magiging sagot ko ngayon!”And that is how this next part of my entry was born. Tsk tsk tsk… ang lupit konaman magsulat kapag ginaganahan. Hehehe. (Partida, intro pa lang yan ha. Walapa yung body ng main part ng article ko.) Anyway… ito na sha. It’s a littlesomething I’d like to call:Omar And Cleo Autographs: Circa 1997 and 2004I’ve only had one slumbook in my entire life. And that one slumbook is what I amstaring at right now. I remember very well where I bought this one. Its from anow defunct mini-bookstore in Guadalupe. Near the pharmacy. I was quite excitedwhen I first browsed through its elementary-ish colored pages considering thecircumstances why I purchased it in the first place. One, slumbooks back thenwere a huge fad at school. Second, I just met a foreigner friend who was aboutto leave for South Korea, his country, and I just wanted him to go sign at anyone slumbook. (Medyo type ko sha nun kasi. Bata pa lang umaarangkada na kotalaga.)So now, I’m about to answer the same questions and I’ll also put here my answersback then. Let’s see if we can find anything out.Name:(Before and After) *********(Wag niyo na alamin. Classified info.)Nickname:(B & A) CeejayAddress:(B & A) *********(Basta sa Makati. That’s gotta be somewhere above the Earth’s crust.)Phone Numbers:(B & A) **********(Mas lalo naman tong sikreto!)Birthday:(B & A) April 9, 1986(Nasa profile ko to, bobo!)Favorite Books:(Before) Fiction, Science, Adventure(After) Harry Potter, Pugad Baboy, The Lord of The Rings(Hmmmm… obviously, Im such a sucker for the fiction genre. Most of my choices inbooks are adventure-tinged at the same time. And wait, Comedy has to be in thatlist too. Pugad Baboy rocks. Apolonio Medina Jr., you’re a god.)Favorite Sports and Hobbies:(Before) Swimming, badminton, tabletennis, volleyball, poetry, singing, dancing(After) Internet, dancing, singing, watching TV, swimming, badminton(Whew! Honestly, I was never a sporty person. Mashado lang talaga akongpretentious dati that I even tricked myself of writing those sports above justso I would deceive myself into thinking that I was a fucking buff bitch. See?Bata pa lang sinungaling na talaga! Of all the sports I wrote before, onlyswimming and badminton are the ones I truly love and enjoy. I still love singingand dancing shempre. Streetdance. Another one of my passions nowadays. UPStreetdance - one of these days, magiging parte niyo rin ako.)Favorite Song:(Before) Forever, I Want You, Barbie Girl, Two Become One, Do You Miss Me, MmmBop, Where’s The Love, Wanna Be, Love Sensation, Who Do You Think You Are… andsongs from the new wave genre…(After) a looot… Close My Eyes, Vision of Love… and a whole lot more…(PU-TANG-I-NA. Oh My Fucking God. Would you believe my taste in music when I wasyounger?! Holy Shiite Muslim! Come on. I didn’t have to endure all the horrorsof hearing boybands and wannabe pop divas. Don’t you think?! Tsk tsk tsk. I’vealways thought that I was such a loser back then. Now, I realized that I justdidn’t think I was a loser, because I WAS A LOSER. In fernez, I used to have aSpice Girls album. I didn’t buy it myself, you idiot, nor did I ask for it. Itwas given to me by our former housemaid. Si Ate Violy. Sayang, I somehow lostthat album eh. Hehehehe. Ang gandang novelty item pa naman nun.)School:(Before) Cembo Elementary School(After) University of the Philippines, Manila – College of Nursing(Laban ka? ‘Nuff said.)Favorite Foods:(Before) Spaghetti, pizza, chicken, fruits, ice cream(After) Pasta, chicken(Wow… hindi sha gaanong nagevolve! Hehehe… I’ve always loved spaghetti my entirelife. Medyo naging sosi lang ako nung tumanda. Kaya its now PASTA. Hehehe…)Favorite Color:(Before) Roy G. Biv(After) Blue, red(Saksakan talaga ko ng kalandian nung elementary!!! Leche… tingnan mo nga namanang fave color ko dati. Ang bakloosh to the nth level! Kulang na lang Pink!)Motto:(Before) “Do your best in whatever you do.” “The man who wins is the man whothinks he can.”(After) “Live and let live.”(My mottos before were a bit of a joke actually. I didn’t actually pick any ofthem to be my own motto. The first one, it was my mother who told me to use thatmotto kasi she finds it very straightforward. The second one, kinopya ko langyun dun sa classmate ko nung elementary – yung valedictorian naming crush kodati. Pero ang motto ko ngayon is something that I really adhere to. Dude,walang pakialaman. Human beings, by nature, are social animals. But not Thatsocial.)Likes:(Before) Good, friendly, gawin yung sports and hobbies ko(After) People who are adventurous, friendly, straightforward, determined andunique(Look at what schooling can do to your brain. A little less than a decade ago,talagang pang-Grade 5 nga ang intindi ko sa word na “Likes.” Ngayon, ibang ibana sha. Just like the people that I do want to meet and be friends with. Believeme, those are just a few adjectives pero only very few fit into thosecharacteristics.)Dislikes:(Before) Bad, OA, flirt, chismosa, magawa ng kuwento, pakialamero, selfish,mayabang(After) People na matapobre and condescending, mayabang, ma-epal, elitista angdating, overtly pretentious, dependent and those who are too fucking submissive(Hmmmm… that’s some list I got there nowadays. Obviously, I hate more people nowthat I do 7 years ago. I think that’s just what life does to you without youeven noticing it. It makes you hate life itself even more as you get more of it.Kaya nga life is ironic eh. It’s a paradox of your own existence. Buti naman atwala pang taong nagfit into all those bad qualities. Tsk tsk tsk… kundi my wholelife would have been hell-bent on eliminating that bug out of the face of theEarth. Kidding! If I do find someone that bad, baka ibefriend ko pa yun no.Opposites attract. And I am no exception.)Ambition:(Before) Doctor, botanist, scientist, biologist, paleontologist, business man(After) Professor on college algebra(Huhuhu… although I have decided already and accepted the reality that there isno way I am getting out of the course I am in today, I still can’t help butwonder how happier and more contented I would feel should I have gone to thecourse I secretly wanted to take. BS Mathematics. But that’s life. Its full ofcompromises naman talaga eh. Wow… naaalala ko yung mga ideals ni John Locke. Shakasi ang topic namin ngayon sa SocSci2. I always tell myself pa rin naman thatthe course I am in right now is an excellent choice. I’m a realist and a verypractical person. And trust me… you can’t get any more real or practical bytaking up Nursing in college.)Favorite Pets:(Before) Dogs, fishes, puppies, lobsters, lovebirds, cats, chicks, rabbits(After) Dogs, fishes, possibly cats(I’ve always thought of myself as a huge animal lover. Dati pa yun eh. Na-addictako sa aquarium fish. I also had a pet dog, si Nikki, bless her soul, na namataynaman dahil her body had a fatal reaction to the anti-rabies shot that she hadfrom a barangay drive to combat rabies in dogs. Mamatay na rin sana yung mganag-injection nun. I loved Nikki. I mourned for her death. And sometimes, Istill do. She’s one of the very few organisms on the whole world who loved meunconditionally. I wish I could say the same for everyone around me.Unfortunately, I can’t. I just can’t.)Best Friends:(Before) Jean, Topher, Ace, Don Paolo, Carla(After) I really don’t believe in ‘best friends.’ Pero my closest friend as ofright now would be Jenny.(I had best friends pala dati?! Hahaha! Grabe… another bunch of names aimed atmaking me feel good about myself. What a loser I was. Funny, coz I really don’tremember nowadays that I was That Close to any of the people I mentioned before.Grabe no? L-O-S-E-R! Wahehehe. Pero yung closest friend ko ngayon, si Jenny,totoo talaga yan. Astig tong babaeng to. Wala nang makakapantay pa sa kanya saaking life. Too bad medyo palayo na sha ng palayo. In physical distance langnaman ha. Hihihi.)Favorite TV Program:(Before) Basketball (Gordon’s), science shows, Sinbad, Spiderman, X-Men, MTV,Bilibitornot, TGIS(After) Will & Grace, The Amazing Race, America’s Next Top Model, Sex and theCity, Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Star In A Million, UAAP basketballmatches, X-Men Evolution, quiz shows and documentaries(Obviously, I currently love sitcoms and reality TV. Grabe pala talaga ang ka-jologs-anng generation namin dati. Sheeesh, I never imagined that I would find TGIS on mylist before. Sinbad, on the other hand, alam ko kinopya ko lang to sa entry niKristine Ace. Pero gusto ko rin naman sha eh… kaya nilagay ko na rin. Wahehehe…isa kong taong walang kahit anong hibla ng originality dati. Here’s a littlequestion for you to ponder on: What’s the common link between all of my first 6favorite shows? Pagisipan niyong maigi yan. Kapag nasagot niyo yan… mahal nakita.)Describe your “love one:”(Before) Cute, beauteous, simple, wise, intelligent, healthy(After) simple, with a bubbly fun-to-be-with personality, interesting, smart andintelligent(If I’m not mistaken… my descriptions before were actually about Kristine Ace.Funny… I was quite tactful enough that I preferred to call her “healthy” insteadof “she’s so damn faaat.” Hehehe… Ace, kung mababasa mo to, pasensha na ha. Youdidn’t have to endure reading all these internet junk. Talk about blogspam.)Describe yourself:(Before) Judge Me. Intelligent, simple, maitim, good, friendly, makulit,commonsenseless(After) Funny, fun to be with, adventurous, spontaneous, expressive,independent, happy-go-lucky, secretive(Wooow… talk about being conceited. I’m like Conceit Personified. The ConceitIncarnate. As you may have probably felt, I left out quite a handful ofadjectives that totally deserve to be on that list too. A few of them would bestubborn, insecure, a huuuge liar, and undisciplined. Oh ayan ha… convinced kana ba na isa kong napakabuting tao?! If you still aren’t, hehehe… ang manhid monaman!)Who is your crush:(Before) none ngayon; dati, Ace, Jean(After) Gino, Rocky, Marc N., Colin F., Paul W., Donita Rose, CatherineZeta-Jones(Ang saya saya! I actually put in all female names on my slumbook before. EitherI was still questioning my own identity or that I was incredibly jaded about whoI really am that I honestly had no idea at that time. If you ask me now, I’d sayit was the latter. Oh well, boring tong part na to eh… ang mas maganda eh yungmga bago kong kwas ngayon! Yiheeeee… sila Gino and Rocky are both members of theUP Music Circle. For the record, I adore people who live and breath music. Idon’t know why pero I am incredibly attracted sa mga true-blue musikeros. Waglang shempre sa barkada ha. The sight of someone doing his own musical passionsjust makes me weak. Haaaaay… nagiimagine pa ko… shhhhh… sila Marc, Colin andPaul naman… eh ang guguwapo nila eh. Period. As for Donita and Catherine… kasiang gaganda nila eh. Yun lang ang reasons. NoI-think-they-have-a-great-personality blah blah. That would simply be outrightwrong and pretentious for me. Dream on CJ.)What attracted you most:(Before) Intelligence, wise, beauty(After) Personality, intelligence, looks(Isa pa to… look at what 7 years can do to a person. Intelligence, wisdom,beauty. Dati. Pero ngayon… medyo nagiba na ang list ko. I swear I also look fora personality that interests me. Just like what you’d read on my profile… Iabhor boring people. Shempre intelligence… coz what’s the use of a nude ColinFarrell in front of me when I’m better off talking to my own penis?! And ofcourse… looks. Its certainly not on top of my list. Ngunit ika nga ni idol Ai-AiDelas Alas, “Ang sarap ngang kausapin pero hindi mo naman matingnan sa mukha?”Say niyo!?)Define love:(Before) It’s God’s gift. It’s all around.(After) The best feeling in the world. And possibly one of the hardest to find.(Rooockers! Kanta muna tayo… isa to sa mga pinakamagandang kanta ng Aerosmith…“When everything you see is a blur. When what you see’s what you prefer.Je-je-je-JADED. “ Haaaay… the perfect song for the most imperfect slumbookentry. Ang sarap batukan ng sarili ko no?! Hehehe… wala lang. This is childhoodeducation at its finest. Everyone’s right. You gotta start young. You need tostart molding the future way before. You can’t do anything about it when it isnow already. Again, WHAT IS LOVE? Ano nga ba? Do you have a nice answer to that?Dali… sabihin mo sakin!)Happiest Moment:(Before) When I was born, when I meet my crush(es).(After) When I learned that I got into UP “with flying colors,” nung nag-CS akoin my first year in college, atsaka siguro nung Best Male Performance ako saNursecissism 2003… marami! Kaya I’m incredibly grateful that I’ve actually hadquite a number of great experiences in my entire life…(Hep… hep… hep! Malamang you wanna ask me what I meant with getting into UP“with flying colors.” Well, I thought I did a great job with the UPCAT kasi Iwas an INTARMED qualifier. FYI, qualifiers for this degree course belong to thetop 150 scores or so ng UPCAT. And how many took the UPCAT in our year? Hmmmm… alittle above 70,000 lang naman po. Oh davah?! Say niyo?! Yung Nursecissism namanis parang talent contest sa College of Nursing. It’s a contest between thedifferent batches. And in my fateful second year in the college, ako ang nanalong Best Male Performance award. I bagged this award by playing this queen evilwitch in our own adaptation of The Wizard Of Oz. Ang chaka ng play namin kasi wedidn’t prepare for it that much, but it turned out that my acting debut earnedthe judges’ nods. Hehehe… ang chaka ko talaga!)What are your future plans:(Before) Finish studies, have a good family, pursue my ambition(After) Finish studies and possibly have a topnotch grade in the board exams,earn a financially-rewarding job abroad, have my own place… as in an apartmentof my own or something of that nature…(Waaaaaaaaah!!! Ceejay?!?! Have a good family?!?! Buwahahaha! Grabe… justreading my slumbook entries before sends chills down my spine. *shivers* Brrrr…I must have been trying to sound straight when I was in Grade 6 or something.First, right now, I cannot envision myself raising a family of my own. Because,second, is that even possible for someone like me?! And third, I don’t thinkthat I’m up to it coz I’m possibly the most undisciplined person you’d see yourentire life. Sheeesh… at 18, I don’t even do my own laundry!)Most embarrassing experience:(Before) Everytime na napapahiya ako, when I’m in doubt(After) Having to tell mom na na-irreg na ko at school(Ooooooh… when I was still little, maybe I was still very much shielded from theharshest realities of life. Or maybe I wasn’t, but at the very least I nevercared nor even noticed that quite a lot of things have been happening in my lifeand here I was, all oblivious to those facts. Ang sarap talaga ng buhayelementary, no? Haaay… pero ngayon na I’m nearing that bend of my life that westudents are fond of calling “ang totoong buhay,” that makes me wonder.Kakayanin ko kayang mabuhay ng mag-isa? Para kasing if you’d predict how mylife’s gonna go on based on my past… the future seems bleak and unpromisingtalaga. In the first place, it was own fault that I would be finishing mystudies a year later. Diba? That was a big disappointment for my mom. And aneven bigger disappointment for myself. Pero ngayon that I am pretty much overthose grieving phases on my life… nafeel ko na din na falling down just makesyou stronger pala talaga and at the same time, it makes you hunger more for allthose things that you could have done a great job at. Mahirap sha tanggapin,Yes… pero I’ve proved at the same time na the only part na mahirap is yungpagtanggap na ‘to. After that, nagbago ka na. After that, ibang tao ka na pala.And believe me, ang sarap ng feeling.)What is a friend:(Before) Someone you can trust / tell your secrets. Someone you can count / leanon anytime.(After) Someone who would understand and accept you for who you are. Someone whowould stay with you through the worst chapters of your life.(Obviously, ibang iba ang connotation ko sa word na “friend” nung Grade 6 ako.I’ve been existing in this side of the universe for more than 18 years already.And being the outgoing person that I am, I’ve met thousands of people na alamkong mabubuting tao naman. And shempre, hindi lahat yun puwede kong maging tunayna kaibigan diba? Just like what you’d read on one of my Friendster testimonialsfrom Kim, sinabi niya dun na hindi ako madaling mag-trust sa ibang tao. I am avery skeptical person talaga so when someone earns my trust and becomes myfriend, I put a looot of premium on that one relationship alone. The greatestfriendships don’t happen overnight. Ika nga ni Carrie Bradshaw sa Sex And TheCity, good friendships daw are something na pinagtatrabahuhan talaga ng mgamagkakaibigan. You need to work to stay together. Hindi lang naman physicaltogetherness ang tinutukoy ko dito eh. But the point is… may katumbas din namanang “falling out of love” sa friendships. Alam niyong magkaibigan kayo, peroalam niyo ring nagbago na ang pagkakaibigan niyo. Diba? And thru-out all thefriendships that I’ve had my entire life, I have learned that your friends canbe just as imperfect as you are. So yung “lean on ANYTIME” na yan is malabongmangyari naman talaga. Their worlds don’t revolve on your friendship alone, justas your world doesn’t revolve on pleasing all of your friends. Right? Besides,if you always resort to what your friends can do with you when you’re not on thebest side of life, it’s just as possible that you’re not behaving as a friend.That maybe, you are just an overtly dependent acquaintance. Ano sa palagay niyo?)Most unforgettable person:(Before) Lord, parents, relatives, bestfriends, crushes, friends(After) Hayhay, Jenny, Kim, and a whooole looot more…(Lord? Maybe. Parents? Of course! Relatives? Naaaah. Bestfriends? Notapplicable. Crushes? Not really. Friends? Not all of ‘em. This goes to show thatof the millions of people that you meet in your life. Only a few will choose tostay. My list nowadays is not an extensive one. Marami pa kong gusting ilagayjan… pero hindi ko lang sila maalala at this very moment. So kung feeling mo,ikaw na nagbabasa nito eh deserving na mapabilang sa listahang yan, eh disabihin mo lang sakin sa TagBoard ko.)Most unforgettable place and date:(Before) Polymedic Hospital, Mandaluyong City, 4-9-86 / Bahay namin!(After) Hmmmmm… high school graduation. I think that’s April 4, 2002 of coursein Makati Science. When I was born na rin siguro. Ang lame ng answers. Pwe!(Marami akong unforgettable experiences but I don’t remember dates coz I’m areally forgetful person. Pasensha na. I’m a walking case of juvenile Alzheimer’seh. Hehehe. Pero nung gumraduate ako ng high school, isa talaga yan sa mgamemories ko na hindi ko makakalimutan. Iba talaga ang saya ng high school, andthe fact that It’s about to become your past is something na mahirap tanggapinpara sakin. Oh well… moving on!)Dedication:(Before) Dear Friends, I hope you don’t mind to read others notes. Please behonest and avoid erasures. Ingatan niyo ‘to. I’ll keep this as a treasure. Havea nice everyday! Your (best) friend, CJ.(After) To all those who get to read this, thank you for devoting aninsignificant part of your time just to get thru all these. I would not supposethat you had a great time surfing and reading them. But I do hope that sometimein the future, you would realize that this was time well-spent. Please also dobear in mind that this means a lot to me. So thank you very much. CJ.***** So that’s it. Grabe… a lot can happen in 7 seconds. Much more 7 years. Andcertainly, I am not the person I was in Grade 6. Ang sarap isipin na nag-iba naang pagkatao mo at ang pagkakakilala mo sa sarili mo after all these years nasomehow, you deliberately try not to understand yourself. Mahirap, masakit, peromasarap ang introspection. Try niyo. You’ll love it. *****Woooooooow! Natapos ko na rin ang kauna-unahan kong blog entry. Ang sarap ngfeeling! Parang ang laking accomplishment to para sakin. Wehehehe… it is now 11AM, September 3, 2004. Would you believe that?! I spent 4 days just to do thisentry. Whew! Pero shonga, I didn’t do this 4 days straight. I only work on thisduring the night. Exception lang yun ngayong umaga kasi wala naman akong pasokng Friday mornings. Tara kanta tayo… “Ang gaan gaan ng feeling Ang gaan gaan ngloob ko sayo… “ Hehehe. Ang kulit ng sound trip ko…Sige… ito na ang katapusan ng blog entry ko. Hintayin niyo na lang yung susunodha. Baka mapagtripan kong gumawa ng isang essay or kahit ano pa. Sa uulitin…